For the past week, I’ve felt pretty crappy. Fatigue, as I mentioned, but also persistent nausea. Not enough to throw up, but just non-stop gut pain. No fever, and it always seemed to be worse in the morning. I’d have to lay down several times while getting ready for work. I think I probably noticed it less during the day because I was busy. But when I got home from work, I’d feel exhausted and sick again, with definitely no desire to eat dinner. I think over the past week my daily intake was a half-bagel with peanut butter, and that was it. I’m sure that didn’t help with the exhaustion.
I read about a cluster of symptoms associated with kidney disease (the name of which I can’t remember now) that includes fatigue, nausea, loss of appetite, and a metallic taste in the mouth. I didn’t have the metallic taste but I had the rest. Figures… I get my sense of taste back and then lose my appetite. It’s possible this was just a random thing and completely unrelated, but it just wouldn’t seem to go away.
Until today! I woke up this morning feeling the best I’ve felt in quite some time. I’m so grateful because a) I had a 3.5 hour drive to clinic this morning and an overnight trip, and b) while I don’t typically worry about stuff that might happen in the future, I guess I do tend to be pretty fatalistic in my thinking at times. I kept thinking all week that I would feel like that forever, even though rationally I knew that probably wasn’t the case.
Aside from feeling crappy, it’s the feeling helpless that is difficult to deal with. I have lots of people in my life who would be happy to help me with anything I might need, but I would feel pretty worthless if I had to call someone over to do something as simple as taking my recycling out to the curb. But there was literally no way I could have done that this past week. (So I didn’t. It’s still sitting there, waiting to go out.) Just the thought of trying to muster up the energy to do it was draining. I kept thinking, “Do any of my friends have kids who want to earn a few bucks?” I’d rather pay a stranger to help me than ask a friend. Is that weird? It seems in my circle of friends, we’re all very willing to help each other out but far less likely to actually ask for help when we need it. Maybe we can get some group counseling rates.
But what a difference a day makes. I wouldn’t say I feel well-rested exactly, but I’m not bogged down by the thought of going to bed. And my stomach doesn’t hurt, and it wasn’t a chore to talk myself into eating my lunch. Fingers crossed that this holds out. Maybe I can finally get the damn recycling out.
Low, Low, Low 